Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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