the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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