Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
