nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
