benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
