i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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