apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Houston, we have a squirter
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
