Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
