tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
