Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
