I wish I only lived at night.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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