Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
