Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
