i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
