guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
