you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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