is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
