Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
