watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
