It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
