Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize