I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
