u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
