I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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