Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
