I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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