It's Friday. Sex?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
God I need to hump something, right now.
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