you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
