sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
