if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
