I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
