Tell her she can't have a vagina
Non-Jews are for practice
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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