Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
