It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
where does the pee come out of this thing
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
