Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
