return my video game
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
