Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
