Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
