Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
