Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
