i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize