Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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