my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Randomize