The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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