Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
