Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
