I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
