I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
