We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
