gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We are two peas in an std pod
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
