another moral hangover. fuck.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
