Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize