I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
