you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
