it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
