my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
