They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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