I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
