At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize