What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
