yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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