Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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