dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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