i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Gay?
German.
Pity.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize