WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
