We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
