i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
