Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
