Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
