I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
