they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
