I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
