Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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