i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
