I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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