You really coming over, don't trick.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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