Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
