Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
