I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize