I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i now understand why vodka
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
