I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
