So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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