forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
