i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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