Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
