K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
