So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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