Your tits are I can't wait for
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
