And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it glows. i had to have it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
